Food - the addiction you can’t quit.

When I used to see a fat person, I would think - like most people I suspect - that they were lazy, chose to not work out and eat right, or just weak. Now, when I see a fat person, I think, “ that’s a person who‘s addicted to food.”

Because, no one chooses to be fat. It’s hard to be fat. It’s easy to get fat; but it’s hard to be fat. You get out breath just walking up the stairs in your own home. You sweat all the time. Everywhere. You can’t bend over easily to put on your shoes, or pick up something from the floor. Hell you can’t get up from the floor yourself very easily either! I used to love my deep soaker tub when I was thinner - now, I never use it because getting out of it is a real pain.

And yes, I used to be thinner than I am today. Not thin, just thinner. Up until pre-menopause when I was around 45-46 years old I was still a size 14 heading into a size 16, which on my large framed 5’7” body was fluctuating between 160-180 pounds. Today, I am 56 years old, post menopausal and around 225 pounds. I put on this weight during my menopause and I was reluctant to admit how much my hormones were affecting me so I still ate the same way I always did and put on a lot of weight, practically overnight it seemed. Most of my fat resides around my middle. This is important because this means there’s lots of fat around my organs, which isn’t good, and has led me to also develop sleep apnea. So, it’s been 10 years since I’ve been a weight that was healthy.

However, my food addiction didn't just start 10 years ago. I’ve had one all my life. I can remember sneaking sweets from the top shelf in the kitchen in my childhood home, my parents thinking they were hiding it from the kids. I used to take large spoonfuls of ”Quick” the chocolate milk mix that was powdered - powdered! and gobble it up. Or pour several spoonfuls of it into just half a glass of milk and drink it down like God’s own elixir. Luckily for me, my parents didn’t always keep the sugary things in the house all time or I’m sure I would have been a fat kid. I would eat several bowls of cereal Saturday mornings watching cartoons. Ya, I’m from the generation where we had to wait to watch cartoons. I would eat several helpings of stuffing at Christmas and Easter, load up on peanut butter and jam crackers for snacks, go back to the fridge for leftovers just a couple of hours after eating. As soon as I finished one meal, I would always look forward to the next, especially the leftovers of a meal I really loved.

I loved food so much I started cooking around age 12 because my Mom's a self-confessed “boring” cook and I wanted to try some tastier things, like stir fry’s and Asian cooking. When stir fry’s too out of the box for your Mom you know you need to help out! Remember, though this was the ‘80’s. I came from a small white town and so did my parents; we hadn’t been exposed to a lot of other culture’s cuisines, except of course, for the local Chinease place that seems to pop up everywhere no matter how small the town.

During my childhood, my parents kept us at a healthy pace, allowing for treats from time to time but not ALL the time. Trips to McDonald’s or A&W or Dairy Queen (now DQ) was a big deal! And only for special times. Cake was only for birthdays, popcorn and chips were only for at the movies, coke was only once in a while at home. So, even though I wanted more of these items more often, I couldn’t get my hands on them myself.

That would come later, when I was 11 years old and got my 5 speed bike and could ride into town to spend whatever few coins I had on chocolate, or chips. But mostly chocolate. Back then you could get a candy bar for 50 cents. And I wouldn’t get just one; I’d get two, sometimes three. Stuff one into my face right away, keep the other one or two for later back home, alone in my room after dinner for another treat.

I didn’t get fat from any of this because, again, I couldn’t do it all the time. We lived a couple of kilometers outside of town and I had to bike up and down hills to get there and back, and only on weekends. But I’d do it, just to get some treats. Or I’d bike to visit my friends as well and we all lived in the country outside of town so there was lots of biking everywhere. In fact, I was an outdoorsy kind of kid and pretty active. We did have video games and a home computer but we didn’t spend the time on these like people do today with their phones. I swam, I biked, I walked for hours in the woods out beyond our backyard with our dog.

I don’t do any of that now, of course. Now, I sit. And eat. Whatever I want, whenever I want. I’m an ADULT now.

I wish I could just quit eating. But, you can’t if you still want to live. And you know what they say about addiction- that once you quit, you can’t just go back to have a “little bit” of whatever you’re addicted to - it starts your addiction all over again. That’s what “yo-yo” dieting is all about. It’s the cycle of addiction, when you are in control and have “quit” and then go back to having “just a little bit” of what you’re addicted to and whammo! Back to the beginning.

So, no cold turkey for me - metaphorically. ‘Cause I wanna live!

Mmmmm, turkey….